It is both a blessing and a curse to be an American in Amsterdam tonight.
On the one hand, it is a blessed escape.
On the other hand, people look at you with worry and pity.
On the one hand, being in a context where politics is more or less normal is comforting.
On the other hand, being here is a reminder that US politics is very much not normal.
It is hard to find the words to describe for Europeans what is happening in our land. But at 5 am in Amsterdam, because I just can’t sleep, and it’s not jet lag — I will try.
It is not just that we are in the hands of a hard-right-wing government. True enough, but there’s more.
It is not just that in this hard-right-wing government, there is little evidence of a leadership team of seasoned professionals exercising independent judgment governed by democratic and civilized norms. There are a few figures in whom one might dare to hope in the wee hours of the night. Maybe. True enough, but there’s more.
It is not just that the United States Congress is largely supine and unwilling to hold the Executive Branch accountable, usings its considerable powers such as appropriations and impeachment. True enough, but there’s more.
It is not just that this government initiated a war of choice on Iran that has killed thousands, and that most of us are entirely opposed to this war, but neither we nor our representatives were consulted on this use of our military and our tax dollars. True enough, but there’s more.
It is not just that this president is uttering, online and in public, words occasionally so threatening that they may well be unprecedented in American history, and that these words violate basic canons of decency, horrify our allies, and terrorize populations. True enough, but there’s more.
It is not just that, having come to power in part through his mastery of social media, our president seems unable to put his phone down, and that his phone-words reflect a corruption both of his grasp of reality and his communications to the public. True enough, but there’s more.
It is not just that, having built an entire career on deploying a torrent of words — so so so so so so so so so very many words — words that serve various purposes not mainly related to truthful communication, our president now seems not just unable to discipline his speech but increasingly unaware of the incoherence of his words even as they tumble next to each other in the same online post or verbal utterance.
It seems to go something like this: the first sentence is intended to communicate stern threat, the second sentence is intended to communicate success that does not exist except perhaps in the president’s mind, the third sentence is intended as self-reassurance in the middle of the president’s long night, the fourth sentence is intended to sell hope, the fifth sentence is intended to press for a deal, any deal, the sixth sentence is intended to boast, the seventh sentence is intended to threaten some more, the eighth sentence is intended to reassure the MAGA base, the ninth sentence is intended to self-reasssure some more, the tenth sentence is intended for the stock market, the eleventh sentence is intended to offer extravagant hope of a joyful tomorrow when all is wealth and peace, the exclamation points are intended to communicate strength, the profanity to communicate manliness, the oddly placed capital letters to communicate…whatever. True enough, but there’s more.
Maybe it’s this, this is the more: It is the very frightening sense that it is not just the sentences but the mind of the president of the United States that is increasingly lapsing into incoherence.
That the pressures of such profound personal neediness, and the lack of a spiritual and moral center, and the lack of a sturdy grasp of the truth and of its value, and encroaching old age, and growing exhaustion, and overwhelming stress, and fear, all of it, all of this is eating him alive —
And that we are all along for the ride, the harrowing ride, every American, every Iranian, every Cuban, every Venezuelan, every world leader, every population affected by the actions of the United States, which is pretty much everybody —
And that this ride is going to last for another two years, nine months, and eleven days, and how can it possibly last that long, and how can we possibly endure this, psychologically, politically, geopolitically, every other way, and how many more people will quite literally die and how many more will certainly suffer because this is what we did, this is who 49.8% of us voted for?! Again?!
And how do we say to the world, well, sorry?
